My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
