I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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