The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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