it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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