someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
