now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
