this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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