Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
