You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Randomize
