I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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