Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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