I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
