I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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