You're so nebulous sometimes
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
