Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
