I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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