When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
