Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
