the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
