last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
