Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
