belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
