Michael Bay diarrhea
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
