Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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