Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
