3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
