Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
