He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
