she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
