I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
