you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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