ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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