just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
