Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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