so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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