Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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