Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So many bounce houses so little time
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
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