i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
