I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
