Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
