we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
