I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
