i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
