Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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