he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My penis needs a shock collar
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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