Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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