I skipped work to stalk him.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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