Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
