I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Floor bacon is actually really good
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
