New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
