i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
