Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
