life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
