I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i came on her dog
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
