after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
