just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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