Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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